The Circus Remains

Mr. Carlin's quote inspired me to write about the challenges of life in recovery.

I've been sober for over sixteen years but I'll always be an alcoholic. The danger of relapse lurks around every corner.  Although rare, there are those days I become so overwhelmed I want to escape ... to be free from the momentary stress, grief or pain that darkens my soul.  I've gotten to the point where I've actually gone to the nearest grocery store and cruised the liquor aisle...looking for my favorite brand of bourbon.

The circus Mr. Carlin is speaking of is actually Satan....waiting for those moments of weakness to drag me back into hell.  So far his attempts have been futile, thanks to family and friends with God-given insight to sense my desire to journey back into the abyss.  They pull me back -- sometimes kicking and screaming -- with reminders of how it used to be.  Through them He brings me back to sanity ... back to where He wants me to be and where I want to stay.

Yes, living in recovery can be challenging from time to time but it's better than the alternative...Praise God!

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.  (Isaiah 40:29)

Have a Blessed Day! 

Old Friends

I had a date with my dad last night but before we started our adventure I returned to the place I used to work.  I retired last May in order to care for my mom and it was the first time I'd been back inside the building.  Feelings of melancholy flowed through me while looking into my old office.  Sitting at the desk was someone else... (what...they didn't make it a shrine????).  I was greeted by former colleagues with smiles and hugs and my mind flooded with a multitude of memories.  It was then I realized how much I missed them and what a blessing it was having them in my life.  For nine years, forty hours a week we were together and became family.  We laughed, cried and even sometimes argued....we supported each other in hard times and celebrated successes.

Thank you God for bringing those wonderful people into my life.  I don't see them as often as I would like but it's heartwarming to know time doesn't take away the love I still carry for each and every one of them.

HAVE A BLESSED DAY!

LOVE NOTES FROM GOD

This weekend I was blessed to co-lead another Rachel's Hope healing retreat.  I look forward to each and every one as I see the healing hands of our Father at work within the hearts of each and every woman, but this time it was different....

I shared a story not too long ago about my dad going to the beach and passing out my mom's beanie babies to children. My mom and dad have always supported me in my Rachel's Hope ministry, so my dad asked me to bring some to the retreat, as well. (My mom had around 700).  On Friday night, before beginning the program, I gave each woman a beanie baby and shared about my mom's recent passing and how my dad wanted them to have part of her beloved collection.

We were nearing the last healing exercise yesterday, and I had told Leslie, my friend and retreat leader, that I had gotten the urge to pick up the phone and call my mom. (I always checked in with her during retreats to let her know how things were going) ...Once again I was faced with the reality she was gone and the grief overwhelmed me.

We had reached a sharing point on the schedule and one of the women revealed to the group she decided to name her lost child "____" and proceeded to explain her inspiration. Throughout the retreat, we had all randomly selected "love notes from God" from a stack of bible verse cards.  She had received one which happened to be one of her favorites from the book of "____".  She then looked at me and said, "and Patti, thank you for giving me this beanie baby ... the tag on mine has a name and year of release...his name is "____" (the same as the book in the bible) and the year released was the year my baby would have been born."

To quote Leslie, "God is very creative when sending us messages".  He used that beautiful woman and little stuffed dog to send me a special one. He wanted me to know my mom was there watching over all of us and she will always be with me. I no longer need a phone to talk to her...she hears me through my heart.

Thank you God for not only placing your healing hands on the women attending the retreat but on me as well.

HAVE A BLESSED DAY

With Easter right around the corner, I've been reflecting on the crucifixion ... Jesus' ultimate display of His love for us. How blessed we are to be loved to that extent and how sad it is that sometimes we betray that love by not trusting Him.

When we are faced with struggles we turn them over to God; however, we are human and impatient. So what do we do? We take the struggles back – convinced we can handle them ourselves. Nothing is further from the truth; in fact, things usually get worse.

There is an exercise I learned to use that helps in dealing with the trials of life. I turn them over to our loving Savior through prayer, but also do it physically. I write down everything on a piece of paper and drop it in my God Box. This box is locked and I don't have the key … a subtle reminder He is in control and to leave my troubles with Him.

Jesus, in your agony you turned to the Father in faith and trust, 

knowing He would never forsake you. 

 When I am faced with challenges I my life, 

may my faith and trust emulate yours.

Amen!

HAVE A BLESSED DAY!

This is a box I just made for a retreat.
And yes, the key will be removed!

Teach Me to Pray

I was going through my mom's books and I found a devotional that had a prayer written by Mary L. Kupferle entitled, “Teach Me to Pray”. It's beautiful and thought it was worth sharing.

Dear God, teach me to pray.

So often I seek a quick awareness of Your presence and Your help and wish it could be so complete that only one moment would be all it takes to know, really know, that all is well. How often Jesus drew apart from crowds and activities and was renewed by Your love. He went again and again into the mountains, completely apart from all others, to be alone, think alone, and talk alone with You.

Help me be willing now to take time to be alone awhile, seek solitude – even if it means giving up an extra hour of sleep or a personal pleasure I think I must have. Show me how to draw apart daily, not only physically, but mentally and emotionally, from every tie and bond that seeks to hold me too close. Help me understand that I can free myself from all attachments in this quiet time until I am alone, with no distractions within or without, and I can give my all to You.

Thank You for showing me how to then become even more still, to wait and wait in obedience, to release each passing thought to Your presence and Your power and keep the channels open until the stream of Your mind enters into mine. Thank You for helping me be patient with my roaming, roving mind and emotions until I truly drop into the realm of silence where no outer sound disturbs, though it is heard; where nothing matters by my rapt attention to my soul's inner Teacher, who will appear. This gentle presence is the Holy Spirit, will make itself known when I am ready, silent enough to hear whatever voice it uses to bring a message, an instruction, or a word.

Thank You for helping me be content when nothing happens as I think it should and happy with just stillness and quietness and a deeper rooting of my soul in peace. Thank You for showing me daily how to practice obedience to the call of prayer, be restful in Your love, wait in faith, trust and know that You are good and that You are all there really is.

God, help me know that prayer is the way to finding every answer throughout life, that You are ever calling me to come and take the good You wish to give in quietness. Thank You, God, for teaching me each day the blessedness of prayer, the art of sweet communion with my good.

Thank You God, for teaching me to pray.

Thank You God, for everything.

HAVE A BLESSED DAY!

...but the greatest of these is love.

As most of you are aware, my mom passed on February 12th. My dad has been doing well considering, but today will be a tough one for him as it would have been their 63rd wedding anniversary.

Looking back, the most memorable part of their marriage for me was every night they would say the Lord's Prayer together....and I mean every night. Even when one of them was in the hospital they would say it together before the other left for the night; if one was out of town they would say it over the phone.

As my mom neared her journey home, she was unable to speak. One night I overheard my dad tell her, “Its okay honey, I'm saying our prayers twice; once for me and once for you”.  Now if that's not love, I don't know what is.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. 

 But the greatest of these is love. 

 (1 Corinthians 13:13)

This was taken on their 62nd wedding anniversary
3/10/13

Self-Will

Excerpt from my devotional, "Embrace the Morning"

Being open to God's will is sometimes quite difficult. In our hearts we want to; however, our minds manipulate us into going the opposite direction. We need to be cognizant that Satan is always close by and is waiting for self-will to take control. Once that happens, he is free to create havoc and discontent in our lives. 

     To differentiate between God's will and our own, we are given subtle clues. These clues can appear as an uneasy feeling in the pit of our stomach or an odd feeling of impending disaster.

     Jesus, self-will runs riot in my life. It is so easy to take the reins myself thinking I am in control. Keep me ever mindful that You would never lead me astray; that you love me and want only what is best for my life. My Precious Savior, guide me to follow your word in my thoughts, words and deeds. At day's end may I count my blessings with love and gratitude.

Have a Blessed Day!

Witness to Healing

Rachel's Hope had it's inaugural healing retreat for post-abortive women in El Centro, CA this weekend.  Alicia Lucio, the leader of the retreat asked me to co-lead along with my friend and mentor Leslie Brunolli.  

The participants walked into the retreat house in devastating spiritual and emotional pain.  They courageously shared their pain with us and with God's help, went through every step of the program with open hearts.  With each exercise we watched these broken women immerse themselves in God's love and mercy and by the time the retreat ended instead of tears of pain we saw tears of joy - they had been freed from the chains of guilt, anger, shame and regret.  

Watching the women transform can only be described as miraculous.  I could feel the presence of God and the Blessed Mother and know they were not only holding the participants in their loving arms, they were with Alicia, Leslie and me every step of the way. 

I am blessed ~ not just by seeing God's healing power first-hand but working with two beautiful, compassionate souls that God chose to spread his message of forgiveness and mercy.

One of the ceremonies we utilize is Agape.  The purpose is to show the love of God through each other in support of the healing process during the retreat.  The goal is to strengthen the participants, leader and co-leaders for the work to be done and symbolizes the unity required in the healing process.  

Our Agape Table
Sheer Serenity

HAVE A BLESSED DAY!