A LESSON IN HUMILITY

To be successful in life's endeavors, we need to have self-confidence; however, it's a slippery slope. If not kept in check, that self-confidence can grow to monstrous proportions resulting in feelings of superiority. Once we reach that point, it's like a drug … we need more. We do all we can to maintain that "high," even if it's at the expense of others...and our souls.

I've been there, and looking back brings a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I was so full of myself I failed to acknowledge those who helped and encouraged me ... but most importantly, I distanced myself from God. I may have reached the top, but I was alone … absent friends and bereft of Spirit.

It's an important lesson in humility and calls to mind something I saw long ago:

                                Edging

                                God

                                Out

So as we celebrate our accomplishments, let us always remember Philippians 2:1-10: 

"So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus."

 

THE SECRET

That verse reminded me of a term frequently used in Alcoholics Anonymous:  "You are only as sick as your secrets."

Many women and men carry their abortion experiences in the dark recesses of their souls.  They do everything in their power to shroud the secret from others and the guilt, shame, and remorse associated with abortion from themselves. 

Sadly, the means used to avoid detection are more disastrous than exposure:  self-destructive behavior such as substance abuse, eating disorders, promiscuity, being in abusive relationships, gambling, over-protectiveness of living children or the opposite, etc.    

I visualize the tools used to conceal the secret as volcanic magma.  As time passes, weaknesses in the earth’s crust can no longer hold back the magma, and a catastrophic eruption occurs. No matter what tool is used, its destructive nature will eventually emerge and usher in hopelessness, fear, and depression.

The only way to stop the debilitating aftermath of abortion is to summon the courage to reach out for healing.  Removing the shroud of secrecy will allow the light of love and forgiveness from our merciful God and Savior, thus replacing the guilt, shame, and remorse with peace and serenity.  

Take it from one who knows...

The Domino Effect of Grief

We all experience loss and will face many throughout our lifetime.  As we get older, the number of losses increases, sometimes to unbearable proportions. One would think (or hope) that the sting would somehow lessen after a certain amount of losses, and the tears would no longer flow with abandon. Instead, they become a controlled trickle.

In reality, we find that the sting is the same (and sometimes worse).  We might find ourselves muddling through our day with a deep sense of sadness for weeks or months and wonder if we are going crazy.  In most cases, we are not. It's called the "domino effect."

When we lose a family member, friend, or beloved pet, it triggers the memories and emotions of past losses.  This avalanche of feelings can be a little overwhelming, frightening, and, most of all, depressing.  We find ourselves either an emotional bowl of Jello or completely shutting down – isolating from everyone and everything. It's okay. It's normal.  Yes, it is uncomfortable and painful, but all part of the grieving process.  Trying to fight it is unhealthy.  As they say, "Go with the flow." 

Being in the business of grief, I thought understanding the dynamics would inoculate me from feeling the pain and anguish.   Not true.  My brain knows what is happening, but it doesn't communicate that knowledge to my heart. 

We all need to remember that the losses we face and the subsequent period of emotional upheaval are a testament to love.  It reminds me of a phrase in an old movie: "How lucky I am to have someone in my life that makes saying goodbye so darned hard."

In Memory of Michael Ray Campbell

LETTING GO - FOR GOOD

 

I was facing an issue that seemed impossible to resolve so I turned it over to God during one of our chats. I remained silent to hear His answer.  No dice. Nada.  Nary a peep.  It's times like this I get discouraged and, yes, angry.  Angry that He is either ignoring me or, worse....laughing (He does have a sense of humor - I'm living proof).

My anxiety got the better of me so I decided to fix it myself. God wasn't fast enough and I wanted immediate resolution. Of course, my way of fixing the issue failed miserably.  My anxiety increased as did my blood pressure. Sound familiar?  I bet it does!!! 

Deep down in my mind (really deep), the voice of reason surfaced and reminded me God answers in His own time and his timing is perfect. In this particular case, not answering me was His way of telling me I was right where I was supposed to be.  It allowed me to learn a valuable life lesson.  His not answering also provided me an opportunity to practice patience (of which I have none) and strengthen my trust in Him.

Maybe I should get out pencil and paper, list everything I took back from God, put the paper in a frying pan, say a prayer, and light a match.  A visual reminder that once I turn something over to God, I will get burned if I take it back. (yikes) 

Happy Anniversary in Heaven

 

Today marks my parents’ 71^st wedding anniversary.  My heart is heavy, missing them, but I am comforted knowing they are together and watching over me.  I wear both of their wedding bands on a necklace.  It’s a symbol of their love for each other and the love I have for them.

 My mom passed in 2014 and my dad in 2016, but to this day, there are times I think of picking up the phone and calling them.  Once reality strikes, the tears start.  There is no time limit on grief, but the sting lessens through reminiscing. 

My favorite memory is when they joined hands every night and said the Lord’s Prayer.  When mom was nearing death and too weak to speak, dad told her he would pray twice … once for him and once for her, which he did until his own passing.   

 

Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad.  

I love and miss you more than words can express. 

 

God Didn't Want Me

I was raised in a Christian home but had never been baptized. I obediently attended church growing up but when I left home and entered into my "dark days", God was not even part of my vocabulary ... unless I was using His name in vain or praying to get out of another jam.

My parents and sister attended a Methodist church in my hometown.  In 1977 my sister decided to get baptized and even though I was twenty-four and lived three hours away, they wanted me to join her. They used everything possible from their "coercion arsenal," secretly hoping baptism would somehow temper my decadent, self-destructive ways. I, on the other hand, thought it might be a way to get them "off my back."

The day before baptism, I was invited to an intramural baseball game  - a perfect opportunity to catch up with old friends. I was in the bleachers chatting away when suddenly my ears started ringing. People were screaming and I saw blood spurting over everyone around me, not realizing it was mine.  The bat had slipped out of the batter's hand, into the bleachers, and onto my forehead. Surprisingly I was not knocked out.  (Hard-headed, aren't I?).  

My skull was fractured in four places; I had a subdural hematoma, concussion, and needed twenty-eight stitches. While getting stitched up, my parents were there holding my hand.  Remembering the upcoming baptism, I squinted through black and blue swollen eyes and said, "See, God doesn't want me." Sadly, I believed it for many more years and continued my descent into the dark abyss of promiscuity and alcoholism.   

It took twenty-nine more years, two ex-husbands, a stint in a mental hospital (I was suicidal), and alcohol rehab to end a life of self-destruction. It was through AA meetings I grew to understand God had never abandoned me, it was I who abandoned Him. It was also through AA that I met my current husband. (third time's a charm).

Michael was a non-practicing Catholic. A few years into our marriage he felt compelled to "go home" and I tagged along. I loved everything about this faith community and wanted to be part of it so I signed up for RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults). I can still see the joy on my parents' faces. It was a "prodigal daughter" moment.  On 4/15/2006, I "took the plunge" (literally - it was total immersion).

Contrary to the baptism that never was, I wasn't doing it to please anyone...I wanted it for me. There were times during the process when I had periods of doubt and feelings of unworthiness. I even considered backing out, but the Holy Spirit nudged me along ... (without the need for a baseball bat! 😁 )  

The timing of God often defies your thinking.  It contradicts logic.  You may have troubles, battles, or trials but they do not negate God's love for you.  There is a purpose behind your pain.  - Comfort Ocran

A week after accident         Baptism 4/15/2006

“Tell the story of the mountain you climbed. Your words could become a page in someone else’s survival guide.” — Morgan Harper Nichols

 

The Wounds of Sin

Lent is the time for reflection and renewal. It is a time to rededicate ourselves to Christ. My Lenten journey started at a shrine tucked away in the Northern countryside of Alabama.

The Shrine of the Most Blessed Sacrament goes beyond description. I'm ashamed to say I didn't even know it existed until now. The paintings, statues, and displays throughout the shrine are breathtaking and humbling. One display, in particular, brought tears to my eyes - a large crucifix reminiscent of the crucifixion in the movie "The Passion of the Christ."  Watching "The Passion," however, could not prepare me for what I was about to see.

My gaze froze on this large cross that brought the crucifixion to life.  Jesus' flesh was covered with bloody welts from the whip. The nails in his hands and feet and the crown of thorns that pierced his head provided another reminder of the pain He endured.  I kneeled in front of this magnificent cross and tried to pray but couldn't. My eyes remained focused on His wounds.

I suddenly equated each bloodied welt to sins I had committed. They represented the many times I failed Him by words and actions. I contemplated my sinfulness and how it dishonored Him. I recalled the times when self-will won against God's will, resulting in disastrous consequences.

The lifelike display had a profound effect that I will carry forever. It was a wake-up call that I had become complacent in my faith life. I had been taking His sacrifice for granted. Complacency brings sin, and I now visualize another welt forming on our Savior's flesh. That vision gives me pause to discern my words and actions.   

Thank you, Jesus, for your presence even in my sinfulness. May my words and actions reflect your love, mercy, and grace from this day forward.

On a personal note:  Thank you Jacquie, Myra, Father Miguel, and all the others that made this journey so special.  I could never buy an experience that would provide such an impact (not even from Amazon).  

 

LEAD US NOT INTO TEMPTATION

 

Life is full of challenges, one of the most prominent being temptation. As a recovering alcoholic, I can honestly say I'm an expert in that department. Although twenty-four years sober, there are still days when the Piggly Wiggly wine and beer section beckons me. 

Isn't it interesting that temptation gets stronger when we are on the right spiritual path? Satan grows angry, doing all in his power to lead us astray ... and he's a crafty one.  He knows our weaknesses and will use them against us.  

Matthew 26:41 warns:  "Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation.  The spirit is willing, the body is weak."  

1 Corinthians 10:13 reminds us to trust in God:

 

Satan might win a few battles here and there,

but with God's love, mercy, and grace, 

we will win the war.

Patti

😇

Remembering Bob

Sue, Me, Mike and Bob

Having a parent with dementia presents many challenges, and more so when you care for them in your home. Debra Winger's line in Terms of Endearment describes it perfectly. "As hard as you think it is, you end up wishing it were that easy."  It is definitely a time to count on your friends for moral support and a shoulder to cry on.  We were not let down. 

Bob and Sue have been priceless members of our family for 25 years. I sometimes think my folks liked them better than me! They were always there for us, especially as my mom struggled with dementia and cancer until she passed in 2014 then two years later when my dad died of heart failure. 

Around the time my mom passed, I got a call from Sue, who was very upset.  Bob had been diagnosed with early-onset dementia. The news struck me like lightning. Bob was in great shape (a gentle giant), intelligent, with razor-sharp wit. He was a typical Southern California beach guy into a multitude of outdoor sports and loved history and politics as well. I thoroughly enjoyed the times we would get into lengthy discussions about politics and the sad direction our country was going. We laughed, claiming the damage could be reversed if the powers at be would listen to us. 😁

Watching my mom disappear mentally and physically was devastating but when she passed, it was comforting to know she was no longer in pain from cancer and at 86 had enjoyed a good long life.  Bob was a totally different story.  He was in his late 60's.  Seeing this strapping, athletic, intelligent, gentle giant slowly slip away was heart-wrenching. As hard as it was for Mike and me, it was more devastating for Sue. Bob was the love of her life.   As the disease progressed, his health started to deteriorate rapidly. Bob passed away peacefully a year ago today.  

I was in awe of Sue's strength and dedication as she traversed the precarious path of dementia. She was the epitome of unconditional love. And looking back, I hope Mike and I were as much support for her as she and Bob had been for us. They deserved nothing less.  

We were blessed to have Bob in our lives for as long as we did and continue to mourn his loss.

"How lucky we are to have had someone in our lives that made saying goodbye so darned hard."

Bob and Sue with my parents.