Reflection on Reconciliation

With Lent approaching, we should be preparing for Lenten Penance Services. The Sacrament of Reconciliation can be frightening and daunting, especially if it has been awhile since you have attended. However, this sacrament is absolutely necessary in order to continue your spiritual and emotional growth. Be comforted knowing Jesus is in that confessional as He told Saint Faustina, "When you go to Confession, know this, that I Myself am waiting for you in the confessional; I am only hidden by the priest, but I Myself act in the soul. Here the misery of the soul meets the God of Mercy."

EXAMINATION OF CONSCIENCE – 
SOME THINGS TO CONSIDER

Have a Blessed Day!

A Time of Healing

Rachel's Hope After-Abortion Healing Retreats recently expanded to a neighboring county.   Leslie (Director of Rachel's Hope-Escondido) and  I were honored to be asked to assist in the inaugural retreat this weekend. 

My thoughts today are of the courageous women who have taken their first step towards healing and of the retreat leader, Alicia ,who has selflessly taken on this mission of love. My thoughts too are of my mom, as she was so supportive of my involvement in this ministry. This will be my first retreat since her passing and again God's timing is perfect.  I can set aside my own grief, if only for a weekend, and focus on comforting others as they work through the emotional and spiritual pain that developed as a result of abortion.

As a co-leader, I will be sharing my journey of healing and redemption, but now I will share something new ...  something I realized the day my mother passed:  Waiting for her at the gates of Heaven were my babies.  

As I do whenever I have an epiphany, I wrote:

Please pray the women attending the retreat will be freed from their pain and feel the love, forgiveness and mercy of God.  

HAVE A BLESSED DAY!

    

a

Source of Comfort

I'm still smack dab in the middle of the grieving process and it stinks.  (Very poetic isn't it?)   We're all trying to get back on a regular routine and I have returned to writing, which helps considerably. There are days I think I've shed my last tear and another dam breaks. Throughout this emotional roller coaster I need a special source of comfort.

My mom had a cylinder shaped pillow she used for her back the past ten or so years...for some reason she called it her NuNu.  In her final days my dad and I used it to make her arms comfortable whenever she was repositioned on her side. In fact, she was in that position when she passed.  When hospice left and my mom was gone from our house, her NuNu was on the recliner in their living room. I instinctively picked it up and carry it around with me whenever I'm home; in fact I'm leaning on it right now. Even when I go to bed I hold on to it like a child with a stuffed animal.

Jesus said, "I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you" (John 14:18).  Maybe that raggedy old NuNu was left out for me to find because I needed a physical way cling to Him for awhile.  For nothing is impossible with God (Luke 1:37).

Have a Blessed Day!

Pulling up the Big Girl Panties

The day I lost my mom and the days following have been the most difficult I've ever experienced. I didn't think I would be able to survive the pain and emptiness that pulsed through my soul.  I've shed many tears, and when I thought I had nothing left, more came. With the tears came isolation, sleeplessness and contemplation.  (Yes, my brain is in overdrive).  Early this morning while hugging her pillow that I've been carrying around with me, I realized how blessed I am to experience this much grief. It shows the true depth of love I have for her. I know each tear drop is an "I Love You" being sent to Heaven.   

I know she would not want me to wallow.  She was the epitome of strength and perseverance and I am determined to follow her example.  I will forever miss her physical presence, but the pain will eventually be replaced with the joy of knowing she's watching over me, that I can still talk to her, and she is at peace with our loving Savior.  

So now it's time to pull up my big girl panties and get back to doing what made her proud - my writing.  I not only have the Holy Spirit guiding my fingers on the keyboard, my mom is there as well. Praise God!

      Psalm 30:5 – Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning. 

Have a Blessed Day!

My Hero - Update

Step three on the Blog Hop calls for us to provide a character sketch of our hero, be it real or one from a novel we've written.

I've not written a novel yet, in fact, I'm just now venturing into fiction, but even if I had, I would still select my true life hero...whose bed I'm sitting next to right now, waiting for Jesus to call her home... my mom.

Update:  My mom passed away peacefully yesterday, 2/12/14 with my dad and me at her side.  I Love You Mom, I miss you so very much but know I now have a special guardian angel to watch over me.  


This incredible woman is the epitome of selflessness and unconditional love.  She reached out to many people in need during her life, and sacrificed a great deal to make sure her family was happy and healthy. She stood by my dad throughout his military career, making a home wherever we were living, be it England, North Africa or stateside.

What truly makes her my hero is her steadfast faith in God and ability to forgive.  You see, she ended up with me.  In my late teens I turned away from God and ventured into a life of promiscuity and alcoholism for twenty-five years.  She suffered a great deal, having to deal with my antics and the cruel (albeit true) gossip of a small town.  Being a Christian woman with high morals and values, my actions devastated her but not once did she close the door, even when I demeaned and maligned her.

It took many years before I reconnected with God, sobered up and became the woman I am today and I credit God and my mom for that.  He never left me, nor did she.

As I sit here watching her, hours on end, I see a woman who not only gave me life, but saved it as well through her endless love and forgiveness.  She has definitely earned a special place in Heaven and all I can say is, " Mom, you fought the hard fight and were victorious.  Rest well - and know I love you more than words can express."

Everlasting Love

This weekend has been one of mixed emotions.  Being the daughter of Seahawks fans, yesterday's win brought high-fives with my dad as we watched the game together in the family room, a few steps away from Mom who started failing significantly on Friday.  Every few minutes one of us would sit next to her on the edge of the bed and describe what was going on.  Her eyes, closed most of the time, made it appear as if she was sleeping but we knew she would want to know how her "Hawks were doing.  With every update she responded with a weak smile and nod.

Mentally I've been preparing for my mom's passing but I constructed a wall around my heart, suppressing my emotions. A brick came loose yesterday and the wall collapsed.  I've never experienced this much pain before, but I was reminded of the Passion.  Jesus demonstrated his unconditional and everlasting love for us through enduring insufferable pain.  Having that wall crumble allowed me to finally feel the pain that shows the depth of love I have towards my mom, and for that I am truly grateful.

HAVE A BLESSED DAY