Remembering Bob

Sue, Me, Mike and Bob

Having a parent with dementia presents many challenges, and more so when you care for them in your home. Debra Winger's line in Terms of Endearment describes it perfectly. "As hard as you think it is, you end up wishing it were that easy."  It is definitely a time to count on your friends for moral support and a shoulder to cry on.  We were not let down. 

Bob and Sue have been priceless members of our family for 25 years. I sometimes think my folks liked them better than me! They were always there for us, especially as my mom struggled with dementia and cancer until she passed in 2014 then two years later when my dad died of heart failure. 

Around the time my mom passed, I got a call from Sue, who was very upset.  Bob had been diagnosed with early-onset dementia. The news struck me like lightning. Bob was in great shape (a gentle giant), intelligent, with razor-sharp wit. He was a typical Southern California beach guy into a multitude of outdoor sports and loved history and politics as well. I thoroughly enjoyed the times we would get into lengthy discussions about politics and the sad direction our country was going. We laughed, claiming the damage could be reversed if the powers at be would listen to us. 😁

Watching my mom disappear mentally and physically was devastating but when she passed, it was comforting to know she was no longer in pain from cancer and at 86 had enjoyed a good long life.  Bob was a totally different story.  He was in his late 60's.  Seeing this strapping, athletic, intelligent, gentle giant slowly slip away was heart-wrenching. As hard as it was for Mike and me, it was more devastating for Sue. Bob was the love of her life.   As the disease progressed, his health started to deteriorate rapidly. Bob passed away peacefully a year ago today.  

I was in awe of Sue's strength and dedication as she traversed the precarious path of dementia. She was the epitome of unconditional love. And looking back, I hope Mike and I were as much support for her as she and Bob had been for us. They deserved nothing less.  

We were blessed to have Bob in our lives for as long as we did and continue to mourn his loss.

"How lucky we are to have had someone in our lives that made saying goodbye so darned hard."

Bob and Sue with my parents.