Once again I will be addressing the videos that recently exposed Planned Parenthood’s heinous and inhumane practices. Hopefully, the recent injunction against the release of future videos will be determined unjustified and the public will finally see the “real” Planned Parenthood.
Watching the videos is heartbreaking and causing significant emotional turmoil. It is also unveiling more memories of my abortions that I believe God now feels I can handle. (He has more confidence in me than I have!)
More memories surfaced after I felt compelled to contact a friend who was around when I had my abortions. I couldn't recall (more like blocked out) if my second abortion was at my health provider 's outpatient clinic or Planned Parenthood. She remembered not only where, but how I described the experiences. I was thrust, once more, into a period of self-loathing, grief and sadness. Sadly, she still believes I did the right thing, but then just like many others who encourage abortion, she may just be hiding her own pain. (I pray, in time, our conversation opens her eyes and heart - I'll be there for her.)
My first abortion was provided by my OB/GYN. I have always remembered not being advised of possible emotional or psychological side effects and a total absence of compassion. What I hadn't remembered was the fact he invited two male interns into the room to observe the procedure. He asked my permission, of course, but I didn’t want them in there … I was already frightened and embarrassed. Did I say no? Nope. I was afraid he would get angry and do something that would hurt me. I know now that wouldn’t have happened, but I feel he took advantage of my vulnerability for a “teaching” moment. I remember them conversing about what was going on amongst themselves, while I laid on the table humiliated and exposed. As I left the office there was a sense of relief I was no longer pregnant, but that feeling only came after I had a few drinks under my belt.
The second abortion was provided by Planned Parenthood in Seattle, Washington. My friend said I chose that route because of my first experience and because they were “specialists” in abortion, I expected more compassion and understanding. WRONG Again, I was not advised of the possible side-effects. The only assurance I received was when they told me it was a “simple” procedure and the line they are best known for…..”It’s just tissue.” No one held my hand, gave me any comfort at all, and as I share when I speak at pro-life events … they treated the procedure more like having a splinter, not a baby removed. I left the clinic once again feeling dirty and worthless.
Deep in the recesses of my heart, I knew what I was doing was wrong, but forced myself to believe the rhetoric of the pro-abort community to assuage my guilt and shame. By hiding from the truth I suffered the consequences for many, many years….alcoholism, depression and promiscuity which eventually led to my becoming suicidal.
Through God’s grace, I was guided to a healing program and inspired to help other women and men that are suffering from their decision to abort.
So, in effect, although watching the videos arouses more pain and remorse, I am grateful the truth is being revealed to the public as well as myself. Recalling more detail of my abortions strengthens my resolve to do whatever it takes to not only share the love and mercy of God to those who made or supported the decision to abort, but once and for all stop the annihilation of innocence.