THE CALL THAT WILL NEVER COME

 

Mother’s Day is in the rearview mirror. As with every Mother’s Day, I found myself on an emotional roller-coaster. I look forward to hearing from my son, who lives in Michigan, and getting updates on his life and the lives of my precious grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Sadly, after we hang up, I’ll stare at the phone, knowing there should have been two more calls.

My mind will fill with the same unanswered questions that have no answers. What would Sarah and Matthew have shared with me on their calls?  How many more grandchildren would I have had to love, spoil and brag about?     

My joy will forever be tarnished on Mother’s Day because I decided to abort two precious angels over forty years ago.  My son and grandchildren warm my heart; however, a dull ache of sadness and regret remains for the two voids within it.     

 Mentally, I know God and my children have forgiven me; however, that knowledge has not reached my heart … the emptiness is always there.  The only saving grace is that God gave me the courage to share my pain publicly. I pray my words will prevent others from experiencing the sorrow of a Mother’s Day call that will never come.