An Adoption Story

A drug-addicted woman left a seven-year-old boy and a four-year-old girl in a dilapidated motel room to bail her boyfriend out of jail. She never returned. It took three days to discover those two frightened children, and during that time, they survived on food the little boy found in dumpsters. The abandonment was reprehensible but paled compared to the abuse and neglect they endured since birth. To make a long story short, they were both placed in foster care and eventually released for adoption.

• That little boy is my son, Bobby, placed with Don (my late ex-husband) and me.  Due to various circumstances, his sister was placed with another family based on the recommendations of therapists. Through a coordinated effort with his sister's new parents in Connecticut, we ensured they maintained contact through phone calls, letters, and summer visits.

  When Bobby first moved in, there were trust issues. He considered our home temporary like all the others and resisted getting attached. We were prepared for that but not the fear.  He hid food under his bed fearing he might not have any the next day.  Whenever we brought him new clothes or shoes, he slept with them under his pillow for the same reason. Due to prior severe punishments, he was also terrified of dirtying or damaging his clothes.  

  Considerable time passed before the fear subsided and only when the judge signed the adoption papers did he finally accept he was wanted and a forever member of our family. That happened thirty years ago today.

  I'm not saying it was an easy road.  Memories of abuse haunted him, which evoked angry outbursts and self-destructive behavior as expected with post-traumatic stress.  He thrived with love, prayer, patience, and therapy but most importantly due to his strong determination to heal.

  Words cannot adequately describe my love for that precious eleven-year-old boy and the love and pride I have for the man, father and grandfather he became.

   

 

Bobby wrote the following for his school's anthology when he was in sixth grade, the story of his life up to that point:

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 THE LONG ROAD HOME

(A True Story)

Bobby – Grade 6

Up until I was 7 years old I remember that I lived in a truck, under a roller coaster and in motel rooms. When I was 7 my Mom left my sister Bonnie and I in a motel room to go bail her boyfriend out of jail. She never came back. The principal of my school found out that we were left alone and called the police. We were taken to a shelter home. We lived there for about a year. Then we went to a foster home with Debi as a foster mom. We stayed there for a year, then Debi and my sister moved to Connecticut. I was taken to a group home. I was there for about a year till Debi moved back and I went to live with her and my sister again. When I moved back in we both went to a new school. It was a small school. My teacher was really great. In the middle of the year the secretary started taking me to her house on weekends. I also spent Spring Break with her and Don. It was a "test-drive" to see if I would like living in Aguanga, California with them, but I didn't know it.

One day, Debi took Bonnie and me out for ice cream. She wanted to tell us that there were people who wanted to adopt us. Bonnie's teacher in Connecticut wanted her and I guessed many names until Debi said Patti and Don wanted to adopt me. I was really happy about that!

We had to go to court and the judge said that Bonnie could move to Connecticut and I could move in with Patti and Don. I lived them about a year and we went to court again. The judge said the adoption was final and I was Patti and Don's son forever. After court that day, my "Mom and Dad" had a surprise adoption party for me at Stadium Pizza. All the people from my school were there and so were my grandparents and my social worker. I was really surprised! I got really nice gifts and had a fun time.

I talk to my sister on the phone almost every week and we see each other in the summers. We share stories of our new families. I am now in the sixth grade and still go to the same school. My new teacher is great!