Leaving a Legacy

 The pain from losses in our lives magnifies during the holiday season. Through my training in grief and trauma response, I learned not to stuff the feelings or hold back the tears, call a friend or family member to share special memories, or, my favorite… write about it…not on a laptop but longhand. These actions won't erase the grief, but they will help navigate through that moment of sadness. (I call it a grief ambush).  

During one of my grief ambushes, I was missing my dad horribly.  I wrote about something special that happened after his death. That memory not only brought a smile but provided a life lesson: 

After a loved one passes, one of the most difficult things to do is to take care of their financial affairs. My father was meticulous in record-keeping and planning, which alleviated some of the stress – all files were clearly marked along with contacts in the event of his death. Although grateful for his organization, going through each file felt like an invasion of privacy. 

All but one account was handled by telephone, which helped keep my emotions in check … then I walked into his bank. I sat down with one of the account representatives, and when I handed him my father's death certificate, he sighed heavily and said, "Harold was one of our favorite customers." He left his desk to retrieve some paperwork, and the manager walked in with a coin and mismarked dollar bill. "Your father gave me this a few months ago, and I have it displayed on my desk. He was always bringing in tokens of appreciation, including boxes of Aplets and Cotlets. He made our day every time he came in; he will be missed." I lost it. The tears flowed as I pictured him grinning while handing out his treasures.   

Many others shared the same sentiments, from doctor's offices, the donut shop, his pedicure place – even people in our neighborhood he met on his daily walks…people I had never met came to our door offering condolences and said they enjoyed visiting with him, hearing about his life adventures, and appreciating the candy he always brought along to share.  

Shannon Alder once said, "Carve your name on hearts, not tombstones. A legacy is etched into the minds of others and the stories they tell about you." What a remarkable legacy my dad left…one of selflessness, kindness, and love. And a memory that brings my smile back and has me imagining that when he entered Heaven, God smiled and said, "Well done, good and faithful servant."