NOTE: Commentary is made as a private citizen and not as Regional Coordinator for Silent No More or Leader of Rachel's Hope, unless otherwise stated.

Thursday, June 29, 2017

The Risk of Replay

We are all sinners; we are human, after all. Turning back the hands of time to reverse our words or actions is impossible.  All we can do is ask for forgiveness and move forward, resolving to do better.  That’s all well and good; however, how many times do we receive forgiveness from God and others yet still wallow in guilt by recounting the transgressions in our minds, over and over again?  Why is it so easy to give forgiveness than to accept it? 

Being an overachiever in the mistake department, I struggled with accepting forgiveness for many years, especially for my abortions. Why?  Because I could not forgive myself.  No matter how hard I tried to move on, I continued to browbeat myself unmercifully ... hating myself for what I did to my children, isolating myself from  family and friends I had hurt, and worse yet, isolating from God ... feeling unworthy to be in His presence.

Through after-abortion healing and a renewed relationship with God, my faith grew leaps and bounds and relationships improved.  Now, whenever tempted to dwell on past transgressions, I play a little mind game.  I picture Satan with a DVD of my failings.  He’s cackling and sneering while continually hitting the replay button …  an evil attempt to imprison me in guilt and remorse, separating me from loved ones and distancing me from God.  Seeing that image puts everything in perspective and brings a smile. I'm able to  laugh and say,  “You’re playing a blank disk, Satan ... God and I have already hit the delete button.”

Then I declared my sin to you; my guilt I did not hide.
I said, “I confess my transgression to the LORD,” and you
took away the guilt of my sin.
(Psalm 32:5)