I'm not courageous by any means. I'm a nervous wreck when speaking. I've considered backing out on several occasions, but God is quite persuasive. He has called me to share because, unfortunately, there are many women out there just like me. It's an opportunity to reach out to them and give them comfort knowing they are not alone and no matter how bad they think they are, nothing is unforgivable in God's eyes. It's also an integral part of my healing journey.
As far as being ashamed or embarrassed … Yes, I was. I shuddered every time another part of my past surfaced, but found the more I share my past, it turns into a bigger blessing. As a caterpillar morphing into a beautiful butterfly, evil miraculously emerges as good. God saved me from total self-destruction for a reason. He's using me as one of His messengers … a beacon of hope for those suffering in silence and a guide back to Him. I pray each and every day I don't let Him down.