LET GO OF TOXIC PEOPLE

For several decades, I've had a fragile and contentious relationship with someone close, faults assigned equally.  At some point, I decided it was time to offer up the olive branch.  I pulled up my big girl panties and took responsibility for my part in our differences.  Although I heard no reciprocal words of apology, I let it go and moved forward with renewed hope the fracture was permanently sealed.

The peace lasted for about two years.  My hopes diminished when I found out I was covertly maligned everywhere, including on social media.  I received hateful messages from people who believed the lies, including some I considered friends.  The betrayal by someone I should be able to trust and lean on was devastating, and anger rose ... but not at the perpetrator ... at myself.  You see, this wasn't the first time being hoodwinked.  This last transgression was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back.  The last remnants of trust evaporated from my heart, and I said to myself, "NO MORE."

It's sad to let go of someone that should be an integral part of my life, but I finally realized that some things just can't be fixed, and continuing attempts to rekindle such a brittle relationship would invariably reap the same results.  It reminds me of the saying, Fool Me Once - Shame on You, Fool Me Twice - Shame on Me.  We should always give people a second chance, and possibly a third, but then it's time to surrender.  If our side of the street is clean, we shouldn't have to cross over to their side, time and time again, just to get run over. 

My priest once told me there are people that are so toxic they can inflict emotional as well as spiritual damage which will eventually draw us away from God.  He assured me it was okay to protect myself and close the door as long as it was without malice or thoughts of retribution ... and most importantly, done with forgiveness in my heart. 

Something we should always remember:

Toxic people project their own character

defects onto their victims.

They do this by accusing the victim 

of the exact actions they themselves

do but deny.

~Shannon Thomas

A LIGHT IN SOMEONE'S LIFE

 

Today marks the sixth anniversary of my father's death. I miss him terribly, as I do my mom. 

 

My husband and I were living in Southern California, ten minutes from the beach when they moved in with us in 2012. One of their favorite things to do was drive through the Dairy Queen for milkshakes, then go there and watch people surf and children play in the sand. It was a cherished time for two people still in love after being married 62 years.

Marie Wikle once said, "Be a light in someone's life today, no matter how small - you'll still light up their world!" That's what my dad did as he grieved the loss of my mom in 2014.

Her passing was a sad time for all of us but more so for him...she was the love of his life. A few days after she passed, he told me he was going to the beach. Knowing he wanted some private time to grieve, I didn't go with him. I began to worry a little two hours later, so I called his cell. He answered with such a sound of joy in his voice it took me by surprise. I asked him if he was okay, and he said, "I'm doing great, just listen." The sound I heard was the voices of happy children.

You see, my mom loved collecting beanie babies and had over 700, carefully tucked away in plastic bins. He had taken one of the bins to the beach, handing beanie babies out to children. He first got permission from their parents and some of them even offered to pay, but my dad said seeing the smiles of the little ones was payment enough. 

Sharing my mom's treasures gave my dad a great deal of comfort. When he arrived back home, I could see it on his face. My mom's light would not continue just in our lives but in others as well. So when my dad passed two years after my mom, my husband and I knew he would want us to do something special to honor him, and God provided us the opportunity.  

We were out and about one evening and observed a man pushing his adult daughter in a regular wheelchair. We asked them if a motorized chair would help, and both of them said, "it sure would." We told them my dad had passed, leaving behind a practically new power chair. We knew he would want us to give it to someone that needed one. The next day, the father came over to our house and took the chair, plus the portable ramp that went with it. Just like the parents at the beach, he asked if he could pay us something, and we gave my dad's reply, "Your smile is payment enough."  

We still grieve my parents, but their light shines on which brings comfort through our tears. Leo Buscaglia said it best, "I know for certain that we never lose the people we love, even to death. They continue to participate in every act, thought, and decision we make. Their love leaves an indelible imprint in our memories. We find comfort in knowing that our lives have been enriched by having shared their love."

Wheelchair racing💓

Dad and Mom at the Beach💓