Why Writer's Go Crazy

You think English is easy?

 

1)  The bandage was wound around the wound.

2)  The farm was used to produce produce.

3)  The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4)   We must polish the Polish furniture..

5)  He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6)  The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert..

7)  Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time                    

        to present the present. 

8)    A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9)  When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object. 

11)  The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row. 

13) They were too close to the door to close it. 

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.   

15)  A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line. 

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow. 

17) The wind was too strong for me to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.. 

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

 

 

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

 

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

 

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

 

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

 

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

 

PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick'?

 

 AND THERE'S MORE!

  

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is 'UP.'

 

It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP?

 

At a meeting, why does a topic come UP?

 

Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?

 

We call UP our friends.

 

And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen.

 

We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.

 

At other times the little word has real special meaning.

 

People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.

 

To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.

 

A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP.

 

We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

 

We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!

 

To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary.

 

In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.

 

If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used.

 

It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.

 

When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP.

 

When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP.

 

When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.

 

When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.

 

One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP,

 

for now my time is UP,

 

so.......it is time to shut UP!  

I have no clue who wrote these, but whoever you are.....thank you for the chuckles!!!!



Have a Blessed Day!

Too Precious Not to Share

My "adopted" niece, Amy, and her husband John have seven daughters who were very attached to my dad.  Amy sent me a message in February informing me the girls made a get-well gift for dad and it was in the mail.  She told me what it was and for some reason I decided to share it with him ahead of time.  Hearing of the arriving treasure brought him great joy.  I am so glad I “spilled the beans,” because he passed away the day before the package arrived.

It was too precious to keep to myself so I shared it at my dad's memorial:

The poem that came with the jar........

Kaylee, Karissa, Kyla, Khloe, Karly, Katie and Kianna (Tessie)

Love and Kindness

It’s been almost two months since my father passed and two years for my mother.  Neither one wanted a funeral, but my husband and I wanted to do something to commemorate their lives as well as give us and other family and friends grieving their loss some closure.

My cousin Steve suggested we have a military honors service for my dad who had retired from the Air Force after twenty years.  It was then my husband and I decided to have a celebration of life for both mom and dad afterwards.  We didn’t have a clue how to proceed, but worries were set aside once we announced our intentions.  We were inundated with suggestions and offers of help, from providing food to photography. 

The military honors ceremony was only available on weekdays which also caused some concern.  We went ahead and scheduled it anyway along with reserving a private room at a restaurant for a catered lunch for the celebration of life.   Invitations were sent out and those not living in the general vicinity were told it was understandable if they could not attend.    It warmed our hearts that family and friends living nearby as well as those from Washington, Oregon, Florida and Nevada planned on coming to the mid-week event and those who couldn’t said they would be there in spirit and say a special prayer that day.   

Love and kindness are beacons of light in the darkness of grief.

~ pjs

Thanks to my dear friend Susan who helped
create the picture board and set-up for my parent's
celebration of life. 

Dementia: Uncharted Territory

My beloved mother not only suffered from cancer, she had dementia.  While the cancer was eating away at her body, the dementia was doing the same to her mind. Seeing that beautiful, vibrant, woman waste away physically was devastating, but the added emotional turmoil of dementia made it practically unbearable.

As both diseases progressed, I retired from my job to help dad with her care.  We knew what to expect with the cancer; however, certain aspects of dementia took us into uncharted territory. Joy, laughter and love would morph into uncharacteristic anger, paranoia and confusion. Her moods were akin to a lamp shorting out; bright one minute . . . dark the next.
 
We were in constant contact with her doctor and hospice, and although they offered wonderful advice, the one statement they kept repeating regarding the mood swings was, "do not take what she says or does personally." Well, that sounds easy enough, but when it's your loved one who lashes out, physically and/or verbally, or worse, runs away, it's hard not to. During those episodes, we found ourselves a muddled mass of bewilderment, despair, hurt, anger, resentment … You name it, we felt it. Biting our tongues, taking deep breaths and apologizing for perceived wrongdoings became part of our routine. Our minds told us it wasn't mom but the dementia . . . convincing our hearts was a different story.  If there was one ray of light in those dark times, it was that she didn't remember the outbursts; otherwise, she would have been inconsolable knowing she had hurt us.

Dementia is unrelenting, cruel and takes an emotional and physical toll on everyone involved. If it weren't for the resources made available to us, the love and support of
family and friends, and most importantly our faith in God, we would still be picking up the pieces -- and even though some days more difficult than others, it was all cherished time spent with an incredible and beautiful woman I love and miss so very much.  For me, that's all that matters.

For Mom