NOTE: Commentary is made as a private citizen and not as Regional Coordinator for Silent No More or Leader of Rachel's Hope, unless otherwise stated.
Thursday, May 14, 2015
Oops, I did it again!
Learning the hard way appears to be the method God has chosen for me ... probably because of an overabundance of stubbornness that flows through my veins (intermingled with coffee).
I've always been a "people pleaser", which is not a bad thing ... until someone decides to take advantage of the situation, demanding more and more. It is a vicious cycle ... Realizing I'm being used, backing off, then ending right back where I started ... falling prey to the guilt trips and drama.
I thought I had this certain aspect of my life under control, but evidently I had a blind spot and recently had the rug ripped from under me ... and I fell hard. Oh yes, I was warned. God sent subtle hints (that sick feeling in my stomach, nagging doubts), but did I listen? Heck no....and I suffered the consequences, all self-inflicted: Sadness, guilt, anger, hurt ... and it wasn't limited to me. Yep, I like company in my misery. Of course I didn't lash out, I did what I always do ... isolate ... leaving God, my family and friends in limbo and neglecting my responsibilities, that in turn added more misery.
This incident was one of those temporary setbacks in my faith journey. Once again, I thought I knew more than God, which I'm sure made Him laugh. I am so grateful for His love and understanding and for blessing me with the humility to eventually reach out, not just to Him but to those close to me. I was able to finally let go of the source of pain and return to the land of the living, hopefully, a little more wise.