Words of Hope for the New Year

2016 is right around the corner.  Instead of my usual reflections on the past year or sharing my resolutions, I thought I would share some beautiful quotes from Elisabeth Elliot who passed away on June 15, 2015.  May her words bring you hope, comfort and gratitude as you enter the New Year. 

“The fact that I am a woman does not make me a different kind of Christian, but the fact that I am a Christian makes me a different kind of woman.”

 “I realized that the deepest spiritual lessons are not learned by His letting us have our way in the end, but by His making us wait, bearing with us in love and patience until we are able to honestly to pray what He taught His disciples to pray: Thy will be done.”

“Today is mine. Tomorrow is none of my business. If I peer anxiously into the fog of the future, I will strain my spiritual eyes so that I will not see clearly what is required of me now.”

“Where does your security lie? Is God your refuge, your hiding place, your stronghold, your shepherd, your counselor, your friend, your redeemer, your savior, your guide? If He is, you don't need to search any further for security.”

 “One reason we are so harried and hurried is that we make yesterday and tomorrow our business, when all that legitimately concerns us is today. If we really have too much to do, there are some items on the agenda which God did not put there. Let us submit the list to Him and ask Him to indicate which items we must delete. There is always time to do the will of God. If we are too busy to do that, we are too busy.”

“Work is a blessing. God has so arranged the world that work is necessary, and He gives us hands and strength to do it. The enjoyment of leisure would be nothing if we had only leisure. It is the joy of work well done that enables us to enjoy rest, just as it is the experiences of hunger and thirst that make food and drink such pleasures.” 

 “But the question to precede all others, which finally determines the course of our lives is, 'What do I really want?' Was it to love what God commands, in the words of the collect, and to desire what He promises? Did I want what I wanted, or did I want what He wanted, no matter what it might cost?” 

“God has promised to supply all our needs. What we don’t have now, we don’t need now.”

“Don’t dig up in doubt what you have planted in faith.”

 “The secret is Christ in me, not me in a different set of circumstances.”

“When ours are interrupted, His are not. His plans are proceeding exactly as scheduled, moving us always (including those minutes or hours or years which seem most useless or wasted or unendurable).” 

"Leave it all in the hands that were wounded for you."

My New Year's Prayer

A Christmas Prayer

Heavenly Father, our hearts are filled

With endless hope and joy,

As we celebrate the birth

Of a wondrous baby boy.

We also honor Mary,

Who faithfully agreed

To bear Your gift of Jesus,

So we sinners can be freed.

On bended knee we thank You,

Though words seem not enough

To express the praise that’s in our hearts,

For Your mercy, grace and love.

Amen

Patti J. Smith

12/24/15

A Trip Down Memory Lane

My husband and I were chatting the other night about our first jobs and how things have changed – not just salary-wise, but with the equipment used. For you youngsters who follow my blog, I’m sure you will be mortified at the prehistoric methods of accomplishing tasks “in my day”, as well as how much money I made.

My very first job (in high school) was babysitting two kids during the summer.  I was overjoyed with the $100 made from June through August. 

I waitressed and made a whopping $1.65 an hour plus tips (which at the time was usually around $2.00 per table if I was lucky – in fact, I waited on Leonard Nimoy and he left $3.00).

I worked as a secretary for an insurance company while in college and made $1.80 per hour. 

Before I started my government career, I was a keypunch operator and that was the beginning of “big money”.  I didn’t know how I was going to spend the monumental wage of $3.00 per hour. 

Believe it or not, all my jobs, except babysitting, of course, were above the minimum wage for the time. 

Now for the fun part.  Here is some of the equipment: 

And to think I used to laugh at my parents when they spoke of how hard things were in "their day"! The cycle of life (and technology) continues!

The Puzzle - Pulling Myself Together

The psychiatrist enters the room. “They tell me you want to end your life, can you tell me why?”
I lower my head murmur, “I’m already dead inside, I just want to finish the job.”

The morning of November 8, 1997,  I was holding a bottle of prescription painkillers in my hand with a six-pack of beer in front of me to wash them down.  My world had collapsed.  I was in my second loveless marriage; one more failed attempt to fight my alcohol-fueled life of promiscuity, as well as other self-destructive behavior. I was empty inside and hopeless.  The emotional pain was excruciating and I wanted it gone.

Before I could twist off the child-resistant cap, "something" compelled me to pick up the phone. Little did I know I was in the midst of Divine Intervention. The call I made was to the AA hotline and resulted in my being taken to a psychiatric hospital.

During the admissions process, they went through my stuff, searching for items I could use to harm myself.  They confiscated my toothbrush, comb, cigarettes, and lighter but what made the most impact was the removal of shoelaces from my sneakers.  For some reason, having to walk around in loose shoes made me realize how sick I really was.  While being escorted to my room, we passed the recreation room. I observed a man putting a puzzle together and I hoped that maybe, just maybe, this commitment would do the same for me.

I was transferred to the rehab ward several days after surviving the painful process of detox. I emerged from the fog and the journey to recovery began.

After my first year of sobriety, I divorced my second husband. He had continued to drink and I knew if I stayed, I would eventually surrender to temptation and end up right back where I was before hitting bottom and I didn’t want to die.

AA not only showed me a new way of living, it reintroduced me to God.  It was at an AA meeting I met my current husband. After we had married, we continued to be active in AA but it didn’t seem to be enough. It took a while, but we finally realized we needed  AA but also a strong faith community. Since my husband was Catholic, we started attending Mass and both felt like we were finally home. I was baptized on April 15, 2006… But the blessings didn’t stop there.

A year later, Divine Intervention struck again. I felt compelled to attend a Faith in the Spirit Seminar, even though I had no idea what it was.  A woman gave testimony on her abortion experience and how it affected her life.  As she spoke, my tears flowed.  It was as if she was speaking directly to me.  That was the first time I heard about Rachel’s Hope After-Abortion Healing Retreats, but I knew by the aching in my heart I needed to sign up.

Although sober and on the right spiritual path, there had always been something hovering over me like a dark cloud.  That dark cloud was the pain, regret and self-loathing I had kept buried in the deep recesses of my soul for over thirty years. I had never mourned my children, even the one I miscarried.  I never acknowledged their existence at all. My abortions propelled me into the darkness of alcoholism and the reprehensible behavior that resulted. I drank to be free of the emotional pain and slept around for what I thought was love and acceptance. Rachel’s Hope gave me the emotional and spiritual tools to forgive myself and ask forgiveness from God and my children. I had never connected my abortions to any psychological or behavioral issues. The puzzle was finally solved.

I am blessed and privileged to now be part of the Rachel’s Hope family by leading retreats. As women enter the retreat house, I see in their eyes the same unrelenting shame, remorse and self-hatred that I carried for so many years.  I also witness a miraculous transformation and watch them leave with a renewed spirit and something they haven't had in a very long time:  HOPE.

Storms of Life

It’s 3:45 a.m.  Under normal circumstances I’d be working on a book at this hour, but this morning I needed to get back on the right spiritual path.  You see, when faced with challenges, I sometimes end up sitting on my pity-pot instead of standing strong with faith. 

On Monday, my eighty-seven-year-old father took a nasty fall and broke his hip which will send him into surgery on Thursday and a lengthy rehabilitation.  His unfortunate accident is joined with my eighty-two year-old uncle’s (who also lives with us) diagnosis of colon cancer and my husband's pinched nerve that rendered his right arm and hand useless until the medication starts working … requiring him to be off work for a week.  

Being overwhelmed at this point is definitely an understatement.  Rising above these recent challenges is difficult but thanks to the Holy Spirit, I was reminded of my own words in Embrace the Morning – Rosary Meditations to Calm the Storm which I temporarily seemed to have forgotten:   

"Agony in the Garden

Luke 22:39-42: Then going out he went, as was his custom, to the Mount of Olives, and the disciples followed him. When he arrived at the place, he said to them, “Pray that you may not undergo the test.” After withdrawing about a stone’s throw from them and kneeling, he prayed, saying, “Father, if you are willing, take this cup away from me; still, not my will but yours be done.

Jesus, in his agony, remained steadfast in accepting the Father's will. We too are faced with agony in our life and need to hold fast to the belief that God is with us. He will not saddle us with more than we can endure. In His mercy, He gives us the fortitude to withstand anything that comes our way – if we let Him.

Jesus, in your agony you turned to the Father in faith and trust, knowing He would never forsake you. When I am faced with challenges in my life, may my faith and trust emulate yours."

Advice I Would Give My Younger Self

A while back I was asked to write a guest post on the topic, “Advice I Would Give My Younger Self,” I didn’t hesitate, thinking it would be a breeze.  Either it was lack of sleep or too few cups of coffee (both, I think) because it took a while before realizing the enormity of the assignment.  You see, my younger self was a mess.  I should have had Self Will Run Riot tattooed on my forehead rather than the butterfly on my derriere.  (Tattoos on women are commonplace now but not in a small-town in the 70’s.)

Recalling my past antics (and cringing), the advice I would tender would be to listen to your parents, remain close to God, pay attention to the little voice in your head and last but not least … love and respect yourself.  Had I done those things I would have avoided decades of pain due to alcoholism and the subsequent consequences … promiscuity, unplanned pregnancies which led to abortion, estrangement from family and multitudes of failed relationships, all leading to a suicide attempt and institutionalization. 

Pretty gloomy, huh?  Well, don’t pull out the Kleenex … Through the grace and mercy of God, love and support of my family and some very good programs, I was able to climb out of the well of darkness into the light.  I followed the advice I would have given my younger self and am nearing eighteen years of sobriety, in a wonderful marriage, active in my church community and became a caregiver to my parents.  (Who would have ever imagined they would trust me with their care, let alone move in with me!). 

I would be remiss if I didn’t add one more pieces of advice:  Forgive yourself.  If you can’t, you’ll never quite reach the top of that dark well.  You’ll always live in the shadow of remorse and regret and miss out on the joyous and wonderful life God wants you to have.

Becoming Numb to Tragedy - With Exceptions

I was saddened by the tragedy in Roseburg yesterday.  I ask that you join me in praying for the souls lost, people injured, witnesses traumatized and families devastated. 

What saddened me more was a quote from the President.  “I’d ask the American people to think about how they can get our government to change these laws, and to save these lives and let these people grow up.”  He also said, “That given the frequency of mass shootings, people had become numb to this.”

What about the unborn, Mr. President?  Shouldn’t we be saving their lives and giving them a chance to grow up as well?  You speak about how people are becoming numb to mass shootings but aren’t you just as numb as to the barbarism at Planned Parenthood? 

Abortion also takes the lives of innocent children and the mothers and those involved in the abortion decision are injured, traumatized and devastated.  We now have proof babies suffer during the procedure, that Planned Parenthood manipulates their process to harvest organs and mothers are misled or coerced into signing donor forms.

Mr. Obama expressed outrage over the massacre, but why isn’t he directing the same towards Planned Parenthood?  Just as the shooter deviously orchestrated the massacre in Roseburg for some ill-perceived ideology, Planned Parenthood orchestrates their barbarity for profit.  But instead of outrage, the President, and his political allies don’t bat an eye.  In fact, they deny the truth, support the barbarism and continue to fund the organization with taxpayer dollars.

What’s wrong with this picture?  

And so it begins!

Wow, I can’t believe I’m finally writing about this.  It’s been a long Spring and Summer …. watching reruns of games on the NFL channel.  The wait is over and I’m sure you’ve missed my Fantasy Football witty banter, whining and tears.  After last year’s devastating 8^th place finish, it took a while to lick my wounds, but Gridiron Granny is back and ready to roll!  

The auto-draft blessed me with several gifted players this season, including Marshawn Lynch (who should have run the ball in to win the Super Bowl last year – sigh), Matt Forte and Andre Johnson.  I am a little disappointed being assigned Tony Romo as my starting quarterback – I’ve had him before.  He should have “Inconsistent” printed on the back of his jersey.  Time will tell if I’ll be forced to move the back-up, Carson Palmer, to the starting position. 

So, with that said, I’ve got my laptop, cell-phone and I-Pad shortcuts ready, the schedules posted, and the must-have snacks on grocery list.  I added a box of Kleenex for my husband (you should see his team – ha ha!). 

Let the fun begin! 

The Cross

This past week has been incredibly challenging.  Having round two of a root canal on Monday started it off with the expected swelling and jaw pain, and I was advised it could last up to a week.  Along with the root canal pain, I also was plagued by a horrific headache.  Being a recovering alcoholic, I try to avoid taking narcotic pain medication, but I did take some the first few days.  They zoned me out and concentration was out of the question.  I didn’t like the feeling either (thank goodness!).  The family has been wonderful helping out around the house, but I still needed to prepare for a healing retreat that I’m facilitating tomorrow.  Knowing the pain medication made me loopy (more than usual), I stopped taking it so I could get the materials organized.   

Once everything was put together, I felt compelled to make a wooden cross and decorate it for the AGAPE ceremony we plan to use during the program.  We have a cross at our other retreat facility I could have borrowed, but as I said, I felt compelled.  I am not “artsy-craftsy” by any means, in fact, my art teacher in college asked me to drop his class.  But ... I had an image in my mind and wasn’t going to let that memory dissuade me.  After dad and I had found some wood in the garage, we took turns sawing and made the cross, then I took to the road to find the perfect flowers and other supplies needed.  

After the project was completed (it took two days), I realized focusing on the cross brought me so much joy I forgot about the pain.  

Only in the Cross of Christ will we receive power when we are powerless. 

We will find strength when we are weak. 

We will experience hope when our situation is hopeless. 

Only in the Cross is there peace for our troubled hearts. 
~Michael Youssef

 This is just a portion.  It

stands about 5'. It might not be a masterpiece,

but with my limited talent...