Family and friends have arrived and one more follow-up with the national cemetery, minister, restaurant and videographer completed. It is 3 am and I’m sitting here wanting to cancel it all. The reason for having the honors for my father and celebration of life for both my father and mother was to bring closure and now I am resisting the final chapter. It hit me that closure means I have to actually face the fact they are gone. The denial phase of the grieving process is coming to an end, and the pain is excruciating.
How do you say good-bye to the two most important people in your life? The two people that stood by through thick and thin, kissed the cuts and bruises, cheered my successes and comforted me through failures. The two people I could always count on, regardless of the circumstances, call no matter what the time and know after I spoke to them I would feel better.
My brain tells me they had long and happy lives, they are enjoying eternity in Heaven and I should be joyous. I wish my heart could say the same thing, but at this moment, it’s too busy breaking.
Yes, I know in time the pain will cease, but I’m not the most patient person in the world. I don’t like “feeling”, which is one of the reasons I drank for so many years. And, no, I’m not going to start up again….writing is my alcohol.
A quote just popped into my mind from a movie I went to with my parents and Aussie Sis, Kerrie … The Other Side of the Mountain …that went something like this: “How lucky I am to have had someone that saying goodbye to is so damned awful." That about sums it up.