As Mother’s Day approaches, I find myself, once again, on an emotional roller-coaster. I look forward to hearing from my son who lives in Michigan and getting updates on his life and the lives of my precious granddaughters. Sadly, after we hang up, I’ll stare at the phone knowing there should have been two more calls.
My mind will fill with questions that have no answers. What would Sarah and Matthew have shared with me on their calls? How many more grandchildren would I have had to love, spoil and brag about?
My joy will forever be tarnished on Mother’s Day because of my decision to abort two precious angels over thirty years ago. My heart should be filled with joy, knowing I have a loving son and grandchildren, but it isn’t. Within my heart are two voids, aching with sadness and regret.
Although I’ve made amends to God and my children, as well as forgiven myself through healing, the void is always there. The only saving grace is that God gave me the courage to publicly share my pain. I pray my words will prevent others from experiencing the emptiness of a Mother’s Day call that will never come.
For Matthew and Sarah