Note

NOTE: Commentary is made as a private citizen and not as Regional Coordinator for Silent No More or Leader of Rachel's Hope, unless otherwise stated.

Friday, May 6, 2016

THE CALL I'LL NEVER RECEIVE





As Mother’s Day approaches, I find myself, once again, on an emotional roller-coaster.  I look forward to hearing from my son who lives in Michigan and getting updates on his life and the lives of my precious granddaughters.  Sadly, after we hang up, I’ll stare at the phone knowing there should have been two more calls. 

My mind will fill with questions that have no answers. What would Sarah and Matthew have shared with me on their calls?  How many more grandchildren would I have had to love, spoil and brag about?     

My joy will forever be tarnished on Mother’s Day because of my decision to abort two precious angels over thirty years ago.  My heart should be filled with joy, knowing I have a loving son and grandchildren, but it isn’t.  Within my heart are two voids, aching with sadness and regret. 

Although I’ve made amends to God and my children, as well as forgiven myself through healing, the void is always there.  The only saving grace is that God gave me the courage to publicly share my pain. I pray my words will prevent others from experiencing the emptiness of a Mother’s Day call that will never come.  


For Matthew and Sarah



 
 

6 comments:

  1. This whole post is so beautiful. It is so hard to have sadness in your heart the majority of your life. I lost my adult daughter in a fire some years ago and although I love her deeply I know I could have done more to love her better when she was here with us. God bless women of courage who openly discuss the pain in their hearts resulting from poor or misguided choices.

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    1. I am so sorry for your loss. I'm sure your daughter knew she was loved and whenever we lose a loved one (I recently lost my parents), we all feel we could have done more...even though we did what we could. God Bless you Dawn.

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  2. Thank you, Patti. I understand completely. I have 3 missing calls every Mother's Day.

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    1. I'm so sorry. I hope you have been able to reach out for healing.....it makes a big difference. God Bless You.

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  3. Sharing your grief and sorrow for my Joseph Anthony. I am so grateful for a merciful, loving God! Peace, my friend!

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  4. Amen! Joseph, Matthew and Sarah are playing in Heaven with all the other precious angels. God Bless You Catherine.

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